what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
