God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
