I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
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I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
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After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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