I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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