Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
