I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
