I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
