When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
