Do you still have your period?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The air taste purple.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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