so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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