So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
