Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
