I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
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I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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