I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
