Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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