I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
