Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
