A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
