he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
