My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
