So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
