my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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