my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
