May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm sobbing to NWA
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
