I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
