I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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