is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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