Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
