I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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