why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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