I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
