her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
