I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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