Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
