Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
