Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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