yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
