i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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