Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this just has baby written all over it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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