we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
