Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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