Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
