the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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