your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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