well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
