Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize