Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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