What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
