I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize