I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
