My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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