I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
