So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
