I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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