Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
