Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
