Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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