I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I didn't notice because vodka
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
