And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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