She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
