isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
