dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
