Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
