Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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