I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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