oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
