I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
