I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
