you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to make out with him forever
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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