My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
zippers are such a cool invention
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
