your thong is hanging out like whoa
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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