omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
