No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
