some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
