I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
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I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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