I think i peed on brittanys purse
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
