I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize